Dealing with advice
One of the joys of being born into our culture is the vast amount of family and friends to shower your LO with love and affection. On the other hand, you can sometimes feel bombarded with dos and don’ts, which as a new parent can feel demoralising and overwhelming. Believe me though when I say that amongst all of those rocks thrown at you, you may find a diamond. Their intentions are normally correct and sometimes we, as the new generation of parents may just need to bite our lip and listen.
As a first time mum I can certainly relate to this from breast/ bottle feeding, weaning, clothing and almost everything else. My initial reaction was shock at how suddenly everyone I knew was a paediatrician. My second thought was of dread at how many times I had probably unnecessarily advised a new mum too. Constantly being told you are not doing something the way somebody else is used to can be exhausting and can make you feel angry and almost defensive.
It wasn’t until I read around, took a step back and thought that before instantly putting that barrier up that, maybe by just listening I may be able to take something positive. Rather than filling ourselves with krodh (anger), it is important to be empathetic and listen to where someone is coming from. Once we have heard the advice, we as parents can make a decision to keep it or bin it- simple as.
During this journey of pregnancy, we think of how we are going to bring up this pure soul inside us, so be true to your own convictions and don’t cave in unnecessarily. Try to, although easier said than done, remain in chardi kala (high spirits) and don’t let negative thoughts invade your mind and thus transfer to your child.
So my three steps to survive the shower of advice:
- Just nod and smile – it may be wanted or unwanted advice but try not to break the persons heart by stopping them short. They are more than likely just wanting to help. so just listen and smile.
- Use your instincts – yes you may have only a small fraction of the experience your parents do but you’re a mum! You’ve carried this child for nine months and have got through the birth. Owe it to yourself to trust your instincts.
- Enjoy it – Parenthood is a roller coaster ride with lots of ups and down. Enjoy the ups and during the downs, look into the eyes of what Vaheguru has blessed you with.